Finding the Love of your Life

by Rachel Valverde

“Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.” Proverbs 18:22

It happened again. The English youth group was having a question and answer session at my house. The youth were encouraged to ask ANY question they wanted; from Genesis to Revelation, it was all fair game. The evening came and we were all ready…concordances, bibles and different books at hand…ready for the diverse questions that had been burning in our youth’s hearts. The questions were written and given to us. We started opening the folded papers…two questions were on the Holy Spirit, one question was on tithing and the rest were on COURTSHIP! 

How many times had we covered that subject? How many times had I sat with the girls around my kitchen table and answered their questions on knowing if he was the “right one”? How many times had some of the young men held me hostage in my kitchen talking about the girls at the church? So I figured it was time to put to rest all doubts and write some of my insights on one of the most important decisions of life – Finding the Love of your Life!

Let’s start with a Self-Evaluation. A very important factor to consider in choosing a life partner is finding someone like you. What do you have to offer that will attract that certain person to you? What are your qualities, your attributes, your pluses and your minuses? Are you looking for a prince but you’re a commoner? Or are you looking for a Queen and you’re a farmer! When you place your order for the type of person you want, is your order likely to be filled? Remember the following: 

If you’re negative and critical…
Odds are not in your favor that you will find a positive healthy person.
If you’re positive and secure…
You’re more likely to attract someone like that.

It’s very important that you cultivate in yourself what you want in a partner.

There are two difficult questions that must be answered as you consider finding the right life partner. (Please answer them honestly)

Why would someone want to be married to me?

Why might a person not want to be married to me?

If you need to make some changes, now is the time in your life when you should make them.

I compiled Ten Principles for Choosing the Right Marriage Partner that will hopefully serve as a guideline in choosing the Love of your life.

Principle #1
Eliminate the seven deadly mate-selection errors.

1. Don’t get married too quickly. (After six months you don’t know if he or she is the ONE! It takes up to two years to get to know someone.)

2. Don’t get married too young. (Get a life – go to school, get a car, learn how to handle a checkbook, travel.)

3. Don’t be too eager to get married. (There is no such thing as old maids anymore)

4. Don’t try to please someone else with your choice.

5. Don’t marry someone until you know him or her in a lot of different ways. (I suggest you invite your intended to a camping trip with your family. You’ll see how he or she looks first thing in the morning and how he or she copes with “hardships” such as using the big woods as a bathroom and washing up in the creek!)

6. Don’t get married with unrealistic expectations. (Don’t believe the fairy tale “And they lived happily ever after…” A good marriage takes hard work and commitment.

7. Don’t marry anyone who has a personality or behavioral problem. (You can’t change him or her. Remember, the consequences of his or her behavior will also affect you and your children)

Principle #2
Develop a realistic picture of the person you wish to marry. Girls especially, will sometimes set up a picture in their mind of Brad Pitt’s face with Justin Timberlake’s talent and Mario Lopez’s body! Why not pray for a young man with the courage of King David and the zeal of the Apostle Paul?


Principle #3
Make sure the person you marry is very similar to you. If you like the outdoors, don’t choose someone who hates the sun and tans in the shade! Make sure you both share the same value system. It will make for an easier time together.


Principle #4
Get married only if both you and the person you want to marry are emotionally healthy. You want to be a wife or husband not a caretaker!


Principle #5
Make sure you are passionately attracted to the person you want to marry. (After you are married…)


Principle #6
Decide to get married only after you have experienced a deeper, more stable kind of love. Passion may fade, but this kind of deeper love endures. This kind of love takes time. It develops over life situations you both share. This kind of love is shared by adults not children. 


Principle #7
Develop yourself in the area of communication. Read books and more books. Go to seminars. Talk to people. You will be glad you did.


Principle #8
Learn how to resolve differences before you get married. In other words, learn how to fight correctly. Silence is golden but not when it is used as manipulation! Remember, you will give account for every word that comes out of your mouth to God, this includes fighting words!


Principle #9
Get married only when you are ready to be absolutely committed to your partner – no matter what – for a lifetime. Life brings many surprises. How was I to know that at the age of 44 I was to develop Breast Cancer and my husband would have to love a bald woman with no eyelashes or eyebrows? I knew then what committed for life means.


Principle #10
If your parents, relatives and close friends support your contemplated marriage, celebrate with them! Make sure you have parental blessing. My husband will not perform a marriage ceremony if either of the parents is opposed. We believe God uses your parents to confirm his will for your life.

I encourage you to read the book of Ruth. That is one of the most beautiful love stories of all times. Remember, God is faithful and good and His promises are real. Hang on to Psalm 37:4-5 “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him.”

Choose wisely. Obey your authorities. I leave with this poem by Jon Mahr:

Guard your heart
Don’t trade it for treasure
Don’t give it away
As a payment for pleasure,
It’s a high price to pay
For a soul that remains sincere
With a conscience clear
Guard your heart